CREDO challenges couples to communicate, compromise effectively

2 Aug 2002 |

Tucked away on the serene St. Simons Island lies Epworth-By-The-Sea, a sprawling recreational and resort facility that hosts the Chaplains Religious Education Development Operation Marriage Enrichment Retreat.

CREDO, as it is commonly referred to, is an intense weekend of seminars sponsored by Naval Air Station, Jacksonville Fl. and is led by Chaplain Lt. Cmdr. Edward Tanner and his wife Robin.

Catering to couples in every walk of life, there is something to be gained by everyone, according to Tanner.

"We improve good relationships and mend marriages on the verge of divorce," said Tanner.

From the first evening couples are taken out of their comfort zones. After a seminar on the dangers of unfair expectations, husbands and wives sit knee to knee and discuss the issue with each other. "Always" and "never" are eliminated from couples' vocabulary and are replaced with less absolute terms.

"It's hard for me to talk like that," one participant said. "I honestly feel like things are that way, but I see now that I tend to exaggerate."

Couples are reintroduced to one another in more ways than one.

"I forgot how fun it can be to spend time with you," said a teary-eyed wife to her appreciative husband.

"Often times military families get so busy they neglect each other," said Tanner. "They focus on everything but one another, and eventually that causes serious problems.

"We do our best to eliminate all distractions so couples can focus solely on one another," said Tanner.

Couples leave their children at home for the weekend. There are no phones in the rooms, and while there are televisions, everyone is encouraged to leave them off for the weekend.

"While you are in your rooms, you should be communicating with one another and spending time together. The TV can wait," Tanner instructed. "Why connect with what's going on around you when you could be reconnecting with each other?"

Group activities aid the learning process as well. During one meeting, the men and women are separated and compile a list of the things they would like from their spouses. After the top 10 requests are made, the collective lists are presented in a group setting giving everyone a chance to explain themselves and respond accordingly. The result was a shock to all. On the list was everything from "voucher for a free massage any time I want" to "no watching Lifetime for a day." Other more surprising requests made their way onto the lists as well.

A common problem for families at the retreat is adjusting to life at sea.

"My husband is gone for six months at a time. I get so self-sufficient that when he comes home it's hard to deal with," said one Navy wife. "It's almost like we get in each other's way."

Complacency is a serious danger sign that should not be ignored, according to Tanner.

"When your spouse stops asking how your day was and taking an interest in you, they have more than likely stopped caring. If you stop fighting altogether, it is probably because they don't care enough to fight anymore," warned Tanner.

Although the weekend retreat does involve work, there is fun to be had as well. Activities to build trust and unity are spread throughout the weekend. In one activity, called the trust walk, spouses take turns leading each other around a field blindfolded. While the timid participants were satisfied with successfully putting one foot in front of another, other more adventurous duos tried their hands at shooting a basketball, running a race, or picking flowers.

"This weekend saved our marriage," said one beaming husband. "We will never be the same, and neither will our marriage."

Another couple had more praise for the program, stating, "This is the best thing we have ever done. We recommend every couple take advantage of this. It's free, so what is there to lose?" 

Perhaps the greatest thing about CREDO is the out-of-pocket cost: nothing.

CREDO is a program offered Marine Corps wide. Families interested in attending a Marriage Enrichment Retreat or Personal Growth Retreat should contact their chaplain or Family Team Building Program coordinator.

Marine Corps News
Marine Corps Training and Education Command